One of the last ones from the vaults of Flipping Out…
Pollution in Middle Earth has been a major problem since the industrialisation of Mordor; a once quaint, idyllic land, now transformed into a sprawling industrial area.
This economic growth has been a great source of wealth for the inhabitants of Mordor, however neighbouring country Gondor has complained that the increased pollution is causing global warming, and that this warming is happening with the full knowledge of the Mordor government.
A more obvious effect of the pollution can be seen in the health of Mordor orcs. Cases of asthma have increased 75% in Orc children, and cases of Adrogenous Genderiso – a disease causing all infected to look exactly the same as each other – has increased 100%.
Sauron, Maiar Spirit, Apprentice of Aule the Smith, known as Lord of the Rings, and Sweet Pea, has expressed his feelings on the matter at a press conference at the Black Gate:
“The accusations that we were aware of the effect the pollution was having on others are outrageous. This is nothing but Minis Tirith propoganda. They have never recognised our right to exist, and I must say that Mordor is a legitimate country, with a legitimate elected government. I do however recognise the problems, and as such have set up an Environmental Watchdog headed by myself to monitor and manage the situation’ “Sauron
The Watchdog has suggested that Orcs car pool to work in order to reduce congestion in the busy Mordor streets. Recycling schemes have also been introduced, and steps have been made to ensure Mordor becomes the first completely solar powered country. in Middle Earth.
Sauron has also stated that Gondors blockade stopping humanitarian aid to Mordor by bording ships and killing charity workers is completely unacceptable.
These recent events have forced Sauron to cancel his planned one man play – ‘My Puppy Fred’, the story of a misunderstood Satanic Dark Lord who joins the YMCA in order to win back the love of his blind puppy Fred, who also is a world class pizza chef.
Aragorn, King of Gondor has gone on record as saying;
I’m glad it’s cancelled, Sauron’s a shit actor and his writing is awful, anyway. He should stick to forging rings.Aragron of Gondor and Arnor
Strong words, from a beardy bastard. Recent events show the relationship between Gondor and Mordor is uneasy, but hopefully something horrible will not happen…like someone letting their son posthumously release their rough notes as a novel
(Note – I’m actually glad someone let their son posthumously release their notes as novels).