The Fantastapotamus

Writing prompts are great for when you want to write, but are suffering from the infamous writers block. Here’s one based on the prompt ‘travelling with two famous people’.

I never thought that I would end up going on safari with Adolf Hitler and Gary Busey. The fact that Adolf Hitler is dead always seemed to be a big factor in this. That and the fact the fact that I wouldn’t want to spend any time with him, other than to kill him before he perpetrated the Holocaust and his myriad of other crimes against humanity. But Gary wanted to bring him, so here he was.

I drove the jeep as Adolf and Gary sat in the back seat keeping an eye out for animals of interest. They promised they would let me know if they seen anything and would tell me to stop, so I could have a look too. Gary said he really wanted to see the Fantastapotamus. Adolf told him that wasn’t a real thing, but Gary insisted it was.

As time went on, the animals became scarcer and scarcer as we left the savannah and ended up in a dried up river canyon. My fault really, I wasn’t paying attention to the map. After this, Gary and Adolf went off together, speaking in whispered tones. I stayed with the jeep, after running out of petrol. They didn’t go far, and kept looking back at me as they spoke. At one point I could have sworn Gary made the ‘throat cut’ sign at me with one hand, while pointing with the other

I thought I had just imagined it, but then I heard Adolf giggling a five-year-old while hopping on one leg, clapping as he did so. Before I knew it, Adolf was running at me with a shovel. I had no idea where he got the shovel, but I knew exactly what his intent was. He and Gary were going to kill me!

I ran from the two of them as quickly as I could, following the downward slope of the dried-up river bed. I heard the gruff noise of the jeep engine starting. He bastards must have hidden spare petrol somewhere! They caught up with me quickly, Adolf screaming in a shrill German voice and Gary making whooping noises.

The chase came to a stop when I found myself with my back up against a wall. I thought I was a goner, but the two stopped making the noises and Gary looked up, cross-eyed and mouthed the words ‘holy fu…’

The fabled Fantastapotamus descended from the sky, holding an umbrella and began to hover above Gary and Adolf. It appeared then that gravity kicked in as it shot downwards with its massive rump, crushing the two would be killers. It winked and blew a kiss, before it jumped back into the air and gust of wind caught its umbrella, whisking it away into the distance.

And that’s how the Fantastapotamus saved me from Hitler and Gary Busey.

Author: Phil Berry

I'm a Health & Safety professional who wants to put fictional people in unsafe situations.

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