The final post from my old blog. This one is a news article from the world of The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. There are probably spoilers in this!
The city of Illian was plunged into chaos last night as a local Messianic Saviour/ World Destroyer got a little bit too drunk.
Rand al’Thor, known also as ‘Lord of the Morning’, ‘Prince of the Dawn’, ‘Shadowkiller’, ‘He Who Comes With the Dawn’, ‘The Dragon Reborn’ and ‘The Rose of Tralee’ was on a night out clubbing with friends celebrating his recent victory over a large force of Shadowspawn when the trouble began.
It is alleged that after drinking several bottles of wine, Rand got into an argument with with Elan Morin Tedronai aka Ishamael, Champion of the Shadow, who was also at the club to promote his new range of vitamin supplement drinks. Onlookers state that the two arch enemies tried to ignore each other for a large portion of the night and things were peaceful until Ishamael made a wise crack along the lines of;
‘Stupid, bloody, one handed twat…he’s probably going to get drunk and kill all his friends and family again.’
At this point, al’Thor allegedly hit Ishamael with a chair shouting;
‘Bridget Jones Diary was not shit, it wasn’t, it wasn’t, it wasn’t! I liked the bit when Paul Atreides talked to Captain Picard. ‘
Many have been worrying recently about the mental health of al’Thor, and this just proves that the madness of saidin is still very much affecting the Dragon Reborn.
At this point however, the Dark One himself intervened, stating that Rand and Ishamael should not be fighting until the proscribed date and time at the Last Battle, and as such both were in breach of contract. Both were fined five hundred gold pieces.
The Dragon Reborn replied to the Great Lord of the Dark with a loud ‘Fuck off, you shit!‘ At this point several bouncers tried to expel Rand from the club but were promptly murdered by al’Thor in a very ‘explodey’ manner.
Long time friend of the Dragon Reborn, Nynaeve al’Maera, responded to questions by tugging on her braid and sulking, while Elayne Trakand, one of al’Thors lovers, responded by having a bath.