A Change In Direction

Over the last three weeks I have been trying to get some serious writing done for my main project – the epic / traditional fantasy idea. When I say trying, I mean staring at the screen wondering why nothing was happening. It is for that reason I started looking at my old Flipping Out blog, which was a lighter affair, resulting in the recent (attempts at) humour. After revisiting these old posts, and looking at news articles relating to the sorry state of Northern Ireland’s political affairs, I had a eureka moment and an entirely new idea for a story was born.

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Tensions Rise Ahead of The Last Battle

The final post from my old blog. This one is a news article from the world of The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. There are probably spoilers in this!

The city of Illian was plunged into chaos last night as a local Messianic Saviour/ World Destroyer got a little bit too drunk.

Rand al’Thor, known also as ‘Lord of the Morning’, ‘Prince of the Dawn’, ‘Shadowkiller’, ‘He Who Comes With the Dawn’, ‘The Dragon Reborn’ and ‘The Rose of Tralee’ was on a night out clubbing with friends celebrating his recent victory over a large force of Shadowspawn when the trouble began.

It is alleged that after drinking several bottles of wine, Rand got into an argument with with Elan Morin Tedronai aka Ishamael, Champion of the Shadow, who was also at the club to promote his new range of vitamin supplement drinks. Onlookers state that the two arch enemies tried to ignore each other for a large portion of the night and things were peaceful until Ishamael made a wise crack along the lines of;

Stupid, bloody, one handed twat…he’s probably going to get drunk and kill all his friends and family again.’

At this point, al’Thor allegedly hit Ishamael with a chair shouting;

Bridget Jones Diary was not shit, it wasn’t, it wasn’t, it wasn’t! I liked the bit when Paul Atreides talked to Captain Picard. ‘

Many have been worrying recently about the mental health of al’Thor, and this just proves that the madness of saidin is still very much affecting the Dragon Reborn.

At this point however, the Dark One himself intervened, stating that Rand and Ishamael should not be fighting until the proscribed date and time at the Last Battle, and as such both were in breach of contract. Both were fined five hundred gold pieces.

The Dragon Reborn replied to the Great Lord of the Dark with a loud ‘Fuck off, you shit!‘ At this point several bouncers tried to expel Rand from the club but were promptly murdered by al’Thor in a very ‘explodey’ manner.

Long time friend of the Dragon Reborn, Nynaeve al’Maera, responded to questions by tugging on her braid and sulking, while Elayne Trakand, one of al’Thors lovers, responded by having a bath.

Sauron To Head Environmental Watchdog Group

One of the last ones from the vaults of Flipping Out…

Pollution in Middle Earth has been a major problem since the industrialisation of Mordor; a once quaint, idyllic land, now transformed into a sprawling industrial area.

This economic growth has been a great source of wealth for the inhabitants of Mordor, however neighbouring country Gondor has complained that the increased pollution is causing global warming, and that this warming is happening with the full knowledge of the Mordor government.

Sauron sadly gazes on the polluted landscape of Mordor
Image from https://lotr.fandom.com/wiki/Sauron
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One Ring to Rule Them All, and in Craigavon Bind Them

Another one from the vaults…this one has been updated slightly to correspond with the ridiculous situation Northern Irish government finds itself in i.e. there hasn’t been one for two years. I think this might actually be better than the current state of affairs….

View of new Craigavon Council Chambers.
Photo originally from an IO9 article
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Catholic Church In Ireland Finally Admits Role In Dinosaur Mass Extinction

Further to my previous post, here is another article from my old Flipping Out blog. At the time I was trying to go for a News Thump or The Onion style news article style blog. I will be uploading them to this site over the next few days, and most follow a similar ‘fake news’ format.

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Cthulhu Wants a Kitten

The Philmarillion is my second attempt at a regular blog. Before this I had tried my hand at blogging using the Blogspot platform with a site called Flipping Out.  It’s redundant now, but there are some articles I would like to share. The first one is a tale of non-euclidean cosmic terror….

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